trains, pains, and traveling pants

I am in Kansas until Friday, visiting my nephew, sister, and brother in law. I took the train. I edited part of a play manuscript, read some of John Gardner’s book for young novelists, and listened to a lot of Dan Savage’s lovecasts. It was strange to leave from Union Station, because I hadn’t been [...]

mania, of the anxious kind

This is a panicked letter I sent to my sister. It’s a prime example of the anxiety I’ve been feeling lately, and the sort of deep shit you can get yourself into when one of the symptoms of your mania is careless spending sprees. Such sprees aren’t always big ticket items; often it’s just an [...]

mother

Two years ago this June my mother died. I was in the midst of a terrible break-up with a man I was living with and whom I loved very much. When my brother called at 6:30 a.m. the morning she died, I was devastated. I remember that it felt like I cried unendingly for the [...]

holding on

I am off work today since I work on Saturday and Sunday, and I am enjoying a Battlestar marathon while I clean my apartment. My apartment is a pit. I will have to wash around three sinkfuls of dishes. I may sort laundry, but it will certainly not get washed today, unless I do just [...]

16 Random Things

The meme thing. I believe yall know how it works. If you read this, consider yourself tagged. If you reciprocate, please link to your post in the comments for me so I can enjoy your disclosure.
1. I have twice dated married men. (bonus: Both times it was revealed to me in murky terminology. I regret [...]

presents

The present I bought for my nephew arrived today. It’s adorable! (It’s from this shop).
I also can’t wait to give Seth his present.
Yay, giving.

thanks

This is my second Thanksgiving without my mother, and I miss her. I cooked dinner for my two brothers today and it was nice, but melancholy as well. We don’t really have much to talk about. My youngest brother is socially isolated and doesn’t really do much, while my other brother has special needs- he [...]

have I managed to catch on yet? or, loomings

You be the judge: A November post, from 2005.
—
It is a good afternoon for the opening of Moby Dick:
Call me Ishmael. Some years ago – never mind how long precisely – having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail [...]

shit

Mine? It’s together.
Not real shit, mind you. Shit. You know, shit. All that stuff that makes up life. Paying bills, going out, doing laundry, cooking, playing with the cat, showering, taking the garbage out, homework, music– I’ve got it together.
I want xb to know this. I want him to know that I can and will [...]

i knew, even then

I wrote this back  in 2005:
I guess I am saying people make mistakes. People fuck up. Situations and environments and personalities conflict and combine to cause problems and solutions. But no matter how fucked up people are, or the shit that they do, if you truly love them unconditionally you forgive them their trespasses and [...]