floating

I’ve been busy, but not busy. I’ve been sleeping poorly.  It takes me a long time to fall asleep, and then when I do fall asleep, I have nightmares.
I tapered down my meds myself because I couldn’t find a decent psychiatrist. My emotions have been noticeably more raw lately, but I have been holding myself [...]

trains, pains, and traveling pants

I am in Kansas until Friday, visiting my nephew, sister, and brother in law. I took the train. I edited part of a play manuscript, read some of John Gardner’s book for young novelists, and listened to a lot of Dan Savage’s lovecasts. It was strange to leave from Union Station, because I hadn’t been [...]

what’s happening, currently

Last night I dreamt about hugging cute boys. And playing Beatles Rock Band with them.
Many things are happening, and I am trying to manage them without losing my mind. I have a second appointment with my new therapist lined up. I will soon be calling in-network psychiatrists for my medicines. I’m really looking forward to [...]

one out of one therapists agree

My new therapist heartily agreed that xb is/was/is a manipulative, delusional asshole who needs to stay the fuck away from me.
Also, the security guard for her building commented on my resemblance to Christina Ricci. I am always amused when people notice that.

FOR FUCK’S SAKE

xb emailed my friend’s husband, to whine about how he (xb) needed to be able to be friends with my friend’s husband so xb’s career could flourish. Or something to that effect. The point is HE EMAILED MY FRIEND.
I’m a fucking crazy bitch, and even I have managed to not email any of his exclusive [...]

shut. the fuck. up. you fucker.

Ugh. So much idiotic drama going on. xb has once again reared his stupid-ass head. He friended by best and oldest friend in Chicago on Facebook recently, and I had a panic attack after seeing his face below a post of hers that he’d commented on (it doesn’t help that his profile picture is from [...]

mother

Two years ago this June my mother died. I was in the midst of a terrible break-up with a man I was living with and whom I loved very much. When my brother called at 6:30 a.m. the morning she died, I was devastated. I remember that it felt like I cried unendingly for the [...]

I’m sorry you feel like barfing.

“I hope you feel better soon.”
That was the message that xb sent me in reply to my g-chat status that read “feel like barfing”. I replied that it wasn’t serious; I only felt like barfing because my coworker had sprayed the phone with lysol and that the smell of lysol turns my stomach. He wrote [...]

walk it out.

I took a long walk this afternoon/early evening. It was brisk out, and I wished I worn a hat. I walked for about an hour and on my way back home I stopped at the corner store and bought some milk and some incense that smelled like my grandmother’s house (I liked the way my [...]

anxiety.

For the past couple of weeks I have been plagued by anxiety dreams. Most of them involve some variation of packing and moving. It’s really horrific. I wake up in a terrible panic, wondering why in the hell I was moving again so soon. I am not exactly sure where this anxiety is coming from, [...]