trains, pains, and traveling pants

I am in Kansas until Friday, visiting my nephew, sister, and brother in law. I took the train. I edited part of a play manuscript, read some of John Gardner’s book for young novelists, and listened to a lot of Dan Savage’s lovecasts. It was strange to leave from Union Station, because I hadn’t been [...]

FOR FUCK’S SAKE

xb emailed my friend’s husband, to whine about how he (xb) needed to be able to be friends with my friend’s husband so xb’s career could flourish. Or something to that effect. The point is HE EMAILED MY FRIEND.
I’m a fucking crazy bitch, and even I have managed to not email any of his exclusive [...]

shut. the fuck. up. you fucker.

Ugh. So much idiotic drama going on. xb has once again reared his stupid-ass head. He friended by best and oldest friend in Chicago on Facebook recently, and I had a panic attack after seeing his face below a post of hers that he’d commented on (it doesn’t help that his profile picture is from [...]

still here.

Everything is still pretty fucked up. Although I did get two of my student loans to give me a hardship deferment. And a friend is going to lend me the $380 I need to keep my car from getting booted. Oh, how did things get so out of control? I blame bank fees, and taking [...]

mania, of the anxious kind

This is a panicked letter I sent to my sister. It’s a prime example of the anxiety I’ve been feeling lately, and the sort of deep shit you can get yourself into when one of the symptoms of your mania is careless spending sprees. Such sprees aren’t always big ticket items; often it’s just an [...]

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckity fuck fuck

I am so broke. As in, probably -700 in my bank account (yes, that is NEGATIVE $700). I know generally how this shit happens, but the specifics elude me. My most recent issues stem from being slammed with about 5 or 6 overdraft fees, each one more expensive than the last.
I am so fucked. So, [...]

neither of us is capable of being a commander

I wish that your love for me was enough to make you want to be a better man. I also wish that my love for you was strong enough to help you be that better man, but these days it’s all I can do to love myself. I want to be with a man who [...]

Sideburns

10:47 PM SIDEBURNS: you [your turn at scrabble]
10:51 PM IRIS: your turn
can I ask you an awkward personal question that you can totally decline to answer if you don’t want to?
10:54 PM SIDEBURNS: um
10:55 PM about 6 inches.
give or take.
IRIS: good to know, but that wasn’t my question.

hm, that might have been the wrong [...]

anxiety.

For the past couple of weeks I have been plagued by anxiety dreams. Most of them involve some variation of packing and moving. It’s really horrific. I wake up in a terrible panic, wondering why in the hell I was moving again so soon. I am not exactly sure where this anxiety is coming from, [...]

the letter I just sent to Seth, which made me cry.

No, I’m not that well, but thanks for your polite and civil inquiry. The utter thoroughness with which you’ve cut me out of your life is quite impressive, and surprising. I have been thinking alot about your narrow definition of what be-all end-all capital L love is. That you’ve limited such an expansive emotion with [...]