Hey, I don’t know if you want to talk about stuff like this, but I’ve been thinking about how I was a big jerk to you a lot of the time, and basically caused our relationship to implode. [If you don't want to think about stuff like this, stop reading right now.]
Me and my no-grey-areas mental outlook decided that things either had to be perfect between us, or they had to be spectacularly awful. When we could have moved to separate places and given things another try, I ‘took things scorched earth’ (as Dan Savage says) and made it impossible for us to have a relationship in any form. And I don’t think that was justified. I think there were real problems in our relationship, and that they weren’t all my fault–and we might have ended up breaking up anyway. But I think I handled things pretty poorly. So poorly that it’s taken a year for us to even be email friends. That right there is a pretty good indication that I arsed things up but good.
Anyway, I’m sorry I was such a shithead. I’m sorry I deal with things in such a binary way. I’m sorry I played out a drama in my head that sometimes used you as a character and not as a real person with a complex drama of her own. I’m trying to get better, and possibly medicated. And I’m trying not to treat other people like I treated you. And I’m trying to remember that I’m trying to do this, even when I get frustrated or angry or threatened and don’t want to remember anything at all.
Wow. I mean, just wow.
(Do I even have to mention that this is from xb?)
