I am still busy. I was on vacation for a week in June, then I went out of town for the 4th of July holiday, and we are still in the midst of summer reading. I will be at ALA from Saturday til Tuesday.
I have several stories to tell. I will try to get to them soon (promises, promises).
I am a children’s librarian in the midst of SUMMER READING! Which means, oh, my god, I am losing my mind. I am swarmed by children most of the day, signing them up for the program, explaining how the program works, etc and so forth.
I do have several tales to tell, though: Sideburns and his filthy, filthy touching; xb and his complete and utter lack of human decency (and my accompanying inability to realize that some people are just NO GOOD [for me]); and my epic conversation with a man that I’ve had a crush on for years, but the timing has never worked out–but soon, it just might.
I will try to write those down this weekend. There’s also work drama to be recounted.
As for my cymbalta commercial feelings? Those are doing better. Thanks for all the lovely, concerned comments.
I was in my car and pulling out of my parking spot when I decided to call in to work. I pulled up a little bit, into a spot where my car wouldn’t get shit on quite so much, and then called my boss.
I need to go pick up a prescription. Last night I took a quarter of a seroquel and I think that’s what has me knocked down on my ass. Well, that and the fact that the anniversary of my mother’s death is coming up. I wonder if my body realizes it as much as my brain does.
Anyway, I was fully intending to go to work, but I just couldn’t do it. I hope cleaning up my apartment a little and taking a walk to the pharmacy later will help me feel better. I also have lots of other little things to take care of that I ignored this weekend. I need to feel better.
…got touched.
Details to follow…
My apartment has been filthy for weeks. I am cleaning today, because tonight I will be having a guest over. A sexy guest. I really need to find some motivation so that I don’t only clean my apartment when there is a chance of me getting some. Or I need to get some more often.
So, kinky christians- it’s okay for you to piss on your partner or for your partner to piss on you, but you’re still opposed to homosexuality?
How does that make sense?
*to the tune of “Sister Christian”
I went on a coffee date last Sunday with a really interesting and attractive young man, and when we parted he said something about being busy all this (past) week but we should talk over IM. Since then? Not a word, written or otherwise. I thought we’d gotten along really well, but now I am pretty damn sure that for some reason at the end of the date he had decided a big old NO.
So. Big old bag of dicks.
It is better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship.
10:47 PM SIDEBURNS: you [your turn at scrabble]
10:51 PM IRIS: your turn
can I ask you an awkward personal question that you can totally decline to answer if you don’t want to?
10:54 PM SIDEBURNS: um
10:55 PM about 6 inches.
give or take.
IRIS: good to know, but that wasn’t my question.
hm, that might have been the wrong emoticon to use…
SIDEBURNS: why? how high can YOU jump?
10:56 PM IRIS: I can’t jump. it’s written into my contract.
SIDEBURNS: so i win then
10:57 PM IRIS: yes. your certificate is in the mail.
SIDEBURNS: sweet
what’s the real question?
11:02 PM IRIS: I’ve been pondering things lately, and I wondered why it was you decided I was a better friend than a date.
11:03 PM SIDEBURNS: hmm.
i dunno.
did I decide that?
11:04 PM IRIS: yeah.
a while ago.
SIDEBURNS: dinnae.
just went with my gut I guess.
11:05 PM typically when i meet someone from the internet, I assume friendship.
i’ve met maybe….
um
a couple dozen.
and dated….four.
maybe five. depending on your definition
11:06 PM that’s over the course of. uh.
six years or so, mind you
11:08 PM IRIS: that’s less enlightening than I would have hoped. but it is what it is.
SIDEBURNS: oh right.
11:09 PM and I’m also only into dudes, i forgot.
IRIS: shut it, smartass.
11:10 PM I’m having self-worth issues and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me/everyone else/or if anything is in fact, wrong at all.
11:11 PM SIDEBURNS: i don’t think anything’s wrong
why would you think there is?
11:12 PM IRIS: the fact that the only people who want to be in relationships with me are the ones I don’t like.
and the ones I do like don’t like me.
11:13 PM SIDEBURNS: i think probably 99% of single people feel that way
and 99% of people in relationships are in bad relationships
we have a very fucked up concept of romance in this hemisphere
11:14 PM IRIS: how so?
SIDEBURNS: too many movies
too many stories with happy endings
11:15 PM they all teach us the same lesson
if you are alone you are incomplete
pair off, mate and die
the end
grim view of life
11:16 PM life has no happy endings
nor sad endings
nothing ever ends
11:17 PM a happy couple turns into a widow and a dead person
IRIS: well, true.
I don’t think I’m incomplete.
your turn
SIDEBURNS: no, you don’t
but do you feel it?
11:18 PM IRIS: I don’t think incomplete is what I feel.
no.
annoyed, maybe.
that I have awesome things to share.
and I have people to share them with, friends, et al,
11:19 PM but I cannot snog my friends.
well, only sometimes.
after drinking.
11:20 PM SIDEBURNS: it takes drinking?
IRIS: especially with my married friends.
SIDEBURNS: bummer. there’s nothing a like a good sober snogging with someone you respect.
11:21 PM your turn
11:22 PM IRIS: which is my whole point- I am a big ball of fail when it comes to snogging people I respect.
11:23 PM SIDEBURNS: really?
you snogged me once or twice. am I not worthy of your respect?
11:26 PM IRIS: well, yes- I totally respect you. and think you’re awesome. which is why I posed the whole “why no date” question. because the people I think are awesome – like the last guy I dated, who left me for an actress in a show he was in- don’t stick around.
11:27 PM all i have are vowels, and one D.
SIDEBURNS: doodad?
IRIS: I’m tryin’
11:28 PM SIDEBURNS: i dunno.
i’m the wrong person to ask about this, I think.
11:29 PM IRIS: yeah? aren’t you taking psych classes? or was it physics…
SIDEBURNS: psych
but i’m still just learning
IRIS: I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.
11:30 PM SIDEBURNS: nah
IRIS: your turn
SIDEBURNS: lucky you caught me after a couple of beers, though
me: heh
11:31 PM SIDEBURNS: the downside to that is, now i am sleepy
IRIS: beer will do that.
11:32 PM SIDEBURNS: you sleep well when you get there.
11:33 PM IRIS: will do. and I promise to stop having whiny babycrier conversations with you.
SIDEBURNS: ha
it’s ok. i don’t judge.
goodnight.
IRIS: night
Two years ago this June my mother died. I was in the midst of a terrible break-up with a man I was living with and whom I loved very much. When my brother called at 6:30 a.m. the morning she died, I was devastated. I remember that it felt like I cried unendingly for the next two months.
My relationship with my mother was complicated and hard won. For the longest time we had no relationship at all. Then, after an airing of grievances and a lancing of wounds, we were able to build a relationship so strong and wonderful that the loss of it nearly destroyed me.
